Jury Duty

I had jury duty this week. I didn't realize how much it affected me until yesterday evening on my way home from a meeting. For some reason, I just burst into tears. It suddenly struck me that I and eleven other people just sentenced a man to die in jail. We basically said that he wasn't going to be reformed at 50 years old, and we gave him 60 years for robbery (downgraded from aggravated robbery because there was not enough proof to say that he had a gun in his towel wrapped hand).

Although we only knew of the specific incident during the trial, we found out during sentencing that he had held up the same Subway two weeks before that--with the same person at the cash register, and another Subway two weeks before that where he had threatened to kill a family if they didn't sit back down. (The father had seen the defendant come into the store with a bag over his hand and act suspiciously. When he gathered his wife and two kids to immediately leave, that's when the defendant ordered them to sit back down.)

I'm trying to figure out what made this man turn out this way. He had a clean record until his 40s, when he had 5 felony cocaine possession charges against him. What happened before that. No one stood up on his behalf during the sentencing phase. Not a neighbor or friend or relative. Now that I'm removed from the situation of deciding the sentence, I'm realize just how terribly tragic that is. No mother, no wife, no children to stand up for him. What if that were my son or brother in the defendent's seat (heaven forbid!). I'm sure jail will do nothing for his apparent drug addiction. How many bridges did he burn to end up this way?

I know I should be focusing on the victims to his crimes: the employee who was held up twice and so shooken up that he couldn't even dial 911 because his hands were shaking too hard, and the other employee who the defendent told he would kill if she looked at him (she was a hard working woman with 6 children and was near tears when she looked at the defendent to identify him). And the man and his wife and kids from his first robbery who couldn't even go out in public for several months without fear, with the wife still being nervous 8 months later. Not to mention the other employees from his first robbery whom we didn't hear from. I'm sure none of them are the same either. What if it were my mom whom he pointed his towel wrapped hand at and threatened? What if it were my children in the store while he was robbing it, threatening their lives and the life of my husband?

I wish I could shake the bit of sadness I feel from telling someone that their life is worthless and that they will never be able to make good for what he has done. Something is just not resting with me well. I don't want to have jury duty again.